So you asked your lovely lady to marry you. She liked the ring. She loved the proposal. She said yes. And she couldn’t wait to tell the world about it. So far so good, right? So what the hell happened? Suddenly your mild-mannered fiancée has turned into an obsessive, irrational and quite frankly ruddy terrifying version of the good-natured girl you fell in love with. But fear not, with a little bit of common sense, a few nuggets of expert advice and the acceptance that, yes, it probably will be your fault (sorry gents, them’s the bridezilla rules), it IS possible to navigate the treacherous minefield…. and arrive at the main event with all necessary body parts still intact.
Why has my fiancée suddenly turned into bridezilla?
Take a minute and bear in mind exactly what those four seemingly simple words mean to your lovely lady. The lovely lady who, according to recent polls, could well be one of the 70% of women who’ve had ‘the most special day of their life’ meticulously planned out – from the dress to the flowers to the year, month, day and exact chance of rain – since she was a child. The day she’s been dreaming of for years. The dream those exact four words have just turned into a reality.
Let’s be honest, for the majority of guys thoughts of pre-nuptial planning won’t start crossing minds until well after they’ve presented said fiancée with one expertly chosen ring. And even then some of them still need a hefty shove from the good lady in question. But for your bride-to-be the sudden enormity of planning the very day she’s had mapped out since childhood brings with it untold pressure…. and a whole new set of rules for you to play by. Because not only does she hold your wedding day as the most special day of her life, she wants you to hold every ribbon, bow and seemingly inconsequential shade of purple with the same significance too.
So how do you deal with the unexpected, and quite frankly terrifying repercussions a proposal can bring?
How to cope with bridezilla
Accept the inevitable
First up gents, if you suddenly find yourself faced with the bridezilla from hell you need to accept a few simple facts about your forthcoming pre-nuptial journey:
- You must NEVER refer to her as the ‘bridezilla’. Trust us on this.
- Your bride-to-be WILL get emotional. She WILL get stressed. And quite possibly irrational to boot.
- You WILL have arguments.
- You WILL get the blame when things don’t go to plan.
- You WILL be wrong. A lot. Even when you’re right. Especially when you’re right.
So what do women want?
Sorry chaps, the jury’s firmly out on this one. But we’re all about the teamwork at GoGroom, so we rolled up our sleeves, got our game faces, armoured suits and padded boxers on…. and asked the guys who were brave enough to ask the women themselves. Top nod to the ‘Brides’ Minds’ and ‘Easy Weddings’ fearless few.
According to results:
- 20% don’t want you to make a single wedding related decision without them.
- And 40% won’t trust you to pick your own outfit for the occasion.
BUT get hold of the fairer sex on another day entirely, and:
- 86% will tell you they want their groom to have an equal say in the planning.
Even the numbers there are riddled with women’s logic.
So what do they want?
As a general rule? We haven’t got the foggiest. And in lieu of the studies, we’re not entirely convinced they know either (but we’ll strenuously deny all knowledge of such statements under questioning)
But when it comes to pre-nuptial planning, however bizarre, irrational or downright unreasonable her behaviour might seem, a little sensitivity can go a long way to making the entire process a great deal smoother for both you and your bride-to-be.
Usually we’d look to the industry bods for some inspirational words of wisdom right about now but in this instance one Lord Scoutmaster Robert Baden-Powell managed to unwittingly hit the nail on the head in cracking style:
‘Be Prepared…to be obedient to every order, and also by having thought out beforehand any accident or situation that might occur, so that you know the right thing to do at the right moment, and are willing to do it’.
Dealing with bridezilla – GoGroom commandments
Thou shall communicate
Before either of you sets eyes on a single spreadsheet or checklist it pays to know you’re both on the same page. Discuss expectations for the main event, agree on either party’s responsibilities and decide exactly how you want to tackle it all before you begin any part of the wedding planning.
Thou will promise to listen
Yes, you might well be completely bewildered (not to mention marginally terrified) at the sudden transformation before you, but there’s every chance your bride-to-be is feeling just the same. Remember chaps, she’s shooting for absolute perfection on this one. Anything less just isn’t going to cut it. So remind her you’re there, ready and willing to listen to any worries she might have. Regularly ask her how she’s doing and let her vent her frustrations and concerns. Voicing her feelings should help calm her nerves and you’ll earn a bucketload of brownie points in the process. Unless you interrupt. In which case, there’s not a man alive who can dig you out of that one.
Thou will show interest
No, you possibly don’t care if the bridesmaids’ bouquets match the ushers’ ties, you sure as hell don’t know what magenta is, and who knows how Aunty Ethel will react if you go for lilies over roses. But however trivial it all might seem to you, if they’re concerns for your good lady, they should matter to you too. Admit you haven’t got a clue but show you’re willing to get a handle on it all and she’ll love you all the more.
Thou will offer to help. A lot.
Four more mightily important words here, gents…. ‘what can I do?’ Granted this might be the moment you discover your bride’s the one in five who thinks grooms are a hapless bunch and there’s no way on earth she’s going to let you take charge of ANYTHING, but you offered. It won’t go unnoticed.
Thou promise to keep up thine own end of the bargain
If, however, she does take you up on your offer, make sure you get the job done. We can’t stress this one enough. Bridezilla groom advice 101 – if thou maketh a promise, thine lovely lady won’t forget. Ever. So thou better keepeth it if thou wishes to be allowed out for a kickabout with the lads ever again.
Thou will let thy bride know she’s doing an amazing job
Sure heads might be spinning (hers) and possibly rolling (yours) but if she’s feeling a little insecure, or maybe even helpless amid the marital madness, a little reassurance can work wonders.
Thou will treat thy lady to a well-earned break
There’s every chance your lady needs a break from this bridezilla business as much as you do. So whether it’s a day, a night, a weekend…. convince your bride-to-be to take a step back, chill out and forget about the wedding for a while.
Thou shall get thine own arse out of the way when necessary
No two ways about it, there are going to be times when nothing you say or do is right. Let her know you’re giving her a breather….. and run.
Fear not baffled folk of groom-kind. Frankly terrifying though the fully-fledged bridezilla may be, once the deed has been done and a cracking day enjoyed by all, the good lady you fell in love with will return once again.
But please note: just in case we’re, you know, wrong on this one (ahem), there’s no harm in getting a head-start on the game – prevention is better than cure afterall. So head across to our wedding planning checklist for a full heads-up on the twelve months ahead.
And be aware that you might not be immune to the full-blown effects of marital madness either. Sorry chaps, but the stats are in and no two ways about it, the curse of the groomzillais firmly taking hold across the land. Check out GoGroom’s guide (types of groom) to the good, the bad and the far too obsessed with all things floral to see how you fare.